Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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