Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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