I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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