I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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