I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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