I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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