And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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