Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
