I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
