She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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