Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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