well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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