Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
