Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
