this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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