Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
