im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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