im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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