Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
