today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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