I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
