We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
