Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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