I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
