If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
