they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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