Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I didn't notice because vodka
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
