My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
