it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
