You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
