Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
