He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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