It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
