I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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