I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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