i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ketchup is God's man juice
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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