OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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