i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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