I'm so fucking centered right now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
