Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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