Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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