I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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