I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your cock deserves a montage
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize