I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
