just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
