It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
