worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
