Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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