Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
