dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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