Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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