Your face is a jimmy john
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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