The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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