East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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