1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
