Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
