There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize