If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
