You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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