I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize