nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
