Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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