What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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