i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
