dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
