i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
