I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
