just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
