he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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