Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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