Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
