mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
