Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
