Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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