So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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